/Sleepless In Seattle

Sleepless In Seattle

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MOMMY GOT SICK AND IT HAPPENED JUST LIKE THAT. THERE WAS NOTHING ANYBODY COULD DO. IT ISN'T FAIR. THERE'S NO REASON. BUT IF WE START ASKING WHY WE'LL GO CRAZY. FIVE MINUTES IN THE MICROWAVE… ANY ONE OF THEM… FIVE MINUTES AND DONE, READY TO EAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE JUICE? MICROWAVE. FIVE MINUTES. HERE. MY SHRINK. CALL HIM. "LOSS OF SPOUSE SUPPORT GROUP." "CHICAGO CANCER FAMILY NETWORK." "PARENTS WITHOUT PARTNERS.

" "PARTNERS WITHOUT PARENTS." "HUG YOURSELF." "HUG A FRIEND." "HUG A SHRINK." OR "WORK. WORK HARD." "WORK WILL SAVE YOU." "WORK IS THE ONLY THING THAT WILL SEE YOU THROUGH THIS." DON'T MIND HIM. HE'S JUST THE GUY WHO'S LOST HIS WIFE. WHAT I THINK WE REALLY NEED IS… CHANGE. GOOD IDEA. TAKE A COUPLE OF WEEKS OFF, GET SOME SUN TAKE JONAH FISHING. NO. REAL CHANGE. A NEW CITY. SOMEPLACE WHERE EVERY TIME I GO AROUND A CORNER I DON'T THINK OF MAGGIE. (ORGAN PLAYING "TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME") WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO GO? I WAS THINKING ABOUT SEATTLE. EVENTUALLY, IN A FEW MONTHS YOU'LL START SEEING WOMEN. YOU'LL MEET SOMEONE. RIGHT, RIGHT. MOVE ON. THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO DO. AND THEN IN A FEW MONTHS BOOM, I'LL BE FINE. I'LL JUST GROW A NEW HEART. SAM, I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN THAT. I KNOW, I KNOW. LOOK, IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN TWICE. ♪ YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS ♪ A KISS IS STILL A KISS ♪ A SIGH IS JUST A SIGH ♪ THE FUNDAMENTAL THINGS APPLY ♪ AS TIME GOES BY ♪ AND WHEN TWO LOVERS WOO ♪ THEY STILL SAY "I LOVE YOU" ♪ ON THAT YOU CAN RELY ♪ NO MATTER WHAT THE FUTURE BRINGS ♪ AS TIME GOES BY ♪ MOONLIGHT AND LOVE SONGS ♪ NEVER OUT OF DATE ♪ HEARTS FULL OF PASSION ♪ JEALOUSY AND HATE ♪ WOMAN NEEDS MAN ♪ AND MAN MUST HAVE HIS MATE ♪ THAT NO ONE ♪ CAN DENY ♪ IT'S STILL THE SAME OLD STORY ♪ A FIGHT FOR LOVE AND GLORY ♪ A CASE OF DO OR DIE ♪ THE WORLD WILL ALWAYS WELCOME LOVERS ♪ AS TIME GOES BY ♪ THE TALL ONE WITH RED HAIR IS YOUR COUSIN IRENE.

.. YOU'LL RECOGNIZE HER BY THE DISAPPOINTED LOOK ON HER FACE. …WHO'S MARRIED TO HAROLD WHO RAN OFF WITH HIS SECRETARY. BUT CAME BACK BECAUSE IRENE THREATENED TO PUT THE DOG TO SLEEP IF HE DIDN'T. YOUR BROTHER DENNIS IS A PROFESSOR AT JOHNS HOPKINS. HE'S MARRIED TO, UM… BETSY. THE MOST COMPETITIVE WOMAN IN THE WORLD. I DON'T SEE HOW I'M GOING TO REMEMBER ALL THIS. OH. WELL… WALTER, YOU WILL. AND YOUR UNCLE MILTON LOST ALL OF HIS MONEY… AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE'S. …IN A PYRAMID SCHEME. DON'T MENTION THE I.R.S. OR THE FEDERAL PRISON SYSTEM. YOUR MOTHER'S BARBARA, YOUR FATHER'S CLIFF… MY FATHER HAS ELECTRIC TRAINS. REALLY? AM I WHAT THEY HAD IN MIND? OH, WALTER, THEY'RE GOING TO LOVE YOU! (CLINKING ON GLASS) WOMAN: EVERYBODY… ANNIE HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT. OH… WALTER AND I ARE ENGAGED! (SCREAMING) (EXCITED CHATTERING) THANK YOU. THANK YOU. MOM KNEW. DAD, MOM KNEW. I DON'T SEE YOUR RING, ANNIE. CONGRATULATIONS, WALTER.

(SNEEZING) BLESS YOU. BLESS YOU. (SNEEZING) (SNEEZING) ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? IT'S NOTHING. MAYBE IT'S THE FLOWERS. I'LL GET THEM. NO, DON'T TOUCH THEM! I FEEL TERRIBLE SNEEZING AT A TIME LIKE THIS. THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT MOMENT. HE'S ALLERGIC TO EVERYTHING. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. BEES. I'M ALLERGIC TO BEES. HAROLD IS ALLERGIC TO EVERY TYPE OF BEE. WE ALWAYS HAVE TO CARRY A HYPODERMIC OF ADRENALINE WHEREVER WE GO. ANNIE: IF HE EATS EVEN ONE PIECE OF A NUT… MY HEAD SWELLS UP LIKE A WATERMELON AND I DROP DEAD. IRENE: IT'S THE SAME WITH HAROLD AND BEES. YOUR MOTHER AND I HAD SALMON AT OUR WEDDING AND A WEDDING WITHOUT COLD SALMON… I'M NOT ALLERGIC TO SALMON. OH! HE'S NOT ALLERGIC TO SALMON. I DON'T THINK. BUT YOU NEVER KNOW. YOU NEVER KNOW.

HAROLD WASN'T ALWAYS ALLERGIC TO BEES. OH, HONEY, WHAT A SHAME, WE HAD SOME CHAMPAGNE AND WHAT DID WE USE IT FOR? UNCLE MILTON'S PAROLE. IT WAS DELICIOUS. IT WAS, WASN'T IT, MILTON, DARLING? WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED, ANNIE? IN EARLY JUNE, IN THE GARDEN. OH! HAROLD: DOES IT HAVE TO BE IN THE GARDEN? WHAT ABOUT HAROLD AND BEES? I'M ALLERGIC TO BEES. BARBARA: WE'LL SPRAY YOU. COLD SALMON A LOVELY CUCUMBER SALAD STRAWBERRIES… I'M AFRAID I AM ALLERGIC TO STRAWBERRIES. IS THIS ALL RIGHT WITH YOU, WALTER? TODAY I CONSIDER MYSELF THE LUCKIEST MAN-MAN-MAN ON THE FACE-FACE-FACE OF THE EARTH-EARTH-EARTH. THE LOU GEHRIG LINE! REMEMBER, DAD, THE LOU GEHRIG LINE FROM, UH…

-PRIDE OF THE YANKEES. -PRIDE OF THE YANKEES. (ALL CHATTERING) IT'S BASEBALL. HISTORICAL REFERENCE. I WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST. HEAR, HEAR. TO MY KID SISTER. TO WALTER AND MY BABY. TO WALTER AND ANNIE. BARBARA: EVERYONE, PLEASE EAT BEFORE IT GETS COLD. HERE IT IS. THE HISTORICAL SOCIETY WANTED THIS AND I NEVER WOULD GIVE IT TO THEM. ANNIE: OH, MOM! I NOTICED THESE THINGS ARE BACK IN FASHION. GRANDMOTHER'S DRESS. OH, HONEY. OH! HE'S A LOVELY MAN, ANNIE. I KNOW! HE IS WONDERFUL, ISN'T HE? AND HE'S SUCH A WONDERFUL ATHLETE. ARE HIS FOLKS NICE? YOU'LL LOVE THEM. WE'RE GOING TO D.C. TONIGHT TO BE WITH THEM CHRISTMAS MORNING. HOW DID IT HAPPEN? WELL… SILLY, REALLY. I'D SEEN HIM AT THE OFFICE… HE'S THE ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER… AND THEN ONE DAY WE'D ORDERED SANDWICHES FROM THE SAME PLACE AND HE GOT MY LETTUCE AND TOMATO ON WHOLE WHEAT WHICH HE WAS ALLERGIC TO AND I GOT HIS LETTUCE AND TOMATO ON WHITE.

-HOW AMAZING. -IT IS, ISN'T IT? YOU MAKE A MILLION DECISIONS THAT MEAN NOTHING AND ONE DAY YOU ORDER TAKEOUT AND IT CHANGES YOUR LIFE. DESTINY TAKES A HAND. MOM… DESTINY IS SOMETHING WE'VE INVENTED BECAUSE WE CAN'T STAND THE FACT THAT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IS ACCIDENTAL. THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT YOU BOTH ORDERED THE SAME SANDWICH EXCEPT FOR THE BREAD? HOW MANY PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD LIKE LETTUCE AND TOMATO WITHOUT SOMETHING ELSE LIKE TUNA? WELL… IT WASN'T A SIGN. IT WAS A COINCIDENCE. I WAS IN ATLANTIC CITY WITH MY FAMILY. CLIFF WAS A WAITER. HE WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO WORK THAT NIGHT AND SUPPOSE HE HADN'T? HE ASKED ME TO TAKE A MIDNIGHT WALK ON THE STEEL PIER. I'VE PROBABLY TOLD YOU THIS A MILLION TIMES, BUT I DON'T CARE. THEN HE HELD MY HAND. AT ONE POINT, I LOOKED DOWN AND I COULDN'T TELL WHICH FINGERS WERE HIS AND WHICH WERE MINE AND I KNEW. WHAT? YOU KNOW.

WHAT? MAGIC. IT WAS MAGIC. MAGIC? I KNEW WE'D BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND THAT EVERYTHING WOULD BE WONDERFUL… JUST THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT WALTER. WALTER… IT'S QUITE A FORMAL NAME, ISN'T IT? ONE OF THE THINGS I TRULY KNEW WAS THAT YOUR FATHER AND I WERE GOING TO HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME IN… THE SACK, I BELIEVE YOU CALL IT? MOM! OF COURSE, IT TOOK SEVERAL YEARS BEFORE EVERYTHING WORKED LIKE CLOCKWORK SO DON'T BE WORRIED IF IT TAKES A WHILE. WELL, WE ALREADY… FINE, FINE. FIDDLEDEEDEE. HOW'S IT WORKING? -LIKE… CLOCKWORK. -AH. OH, HONEY. (GASPING) IT'S A SIGN! YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN SIGNS. (LAUGHING) THEY LOVED YOU. I TOLD YOU THEY WOULD LOVE YOU AND THEY LOVED YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, WALTER. DID ANYONE EVER CALL YOU ANYTHING OTHER THAN WALTER? NOPE. OH. NOT EVEN WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG? NOPE.

NOT EVEN WHEN I WAS YOUNG. HUH. YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO DRIVE WITH ME? HOW WILL I GET BACK TO BALTIMORE ON FRIDAY? OOH! I FORGOT THE PRESENT. I LEFT YOUR STEPMOTHER'S PRESENT INSIDE. WHEN WE'RE OLD AND GRAY REMIND ME TO PUT MY TEETH IN. I'LL BE WALKING ALL OVER TOWN SMACKING MY GUMS TOGETHER AND NOT EVEN NOTICING. I'LL WAIT. YOU'LL WAIT… OH, RIGHT. NO, DON'T WAIT. REALLY, IT'S SILLY. YOU GO AHEAD. I'LL BE TEN MINUTES BEHIND YOU. ♪ SLEIGH BELLS JING-A-LING, RING-TING-TING-A-LING TOO ♪ LOVELY WEATHER FOR A SLEIGH RIDE ♪ TOGETHER WITH YOU ♪ THE SNOW IS FALLING AND FRIENDS ARE CALLING "YOO-HOO" ♪ FRIENDS ARE CALLING "YOO-HOO" ♪ DING-A-LING-A-LING! ♪ HORSES, HORSES HORSES, HORSES ♪ HORSES, HORSES, HORSES ♪ JINGLE BELLS JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY ♪ OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH ♪ HEY! ♪ (CHANGING THE STATION) WOMAN ON RADIO: WELCOME BACK TO "YOU AND YOUR EMOTIONS.

" I'M DR. MARCIA FIELDSTONE, BROADCASTING LIVE ACROSS AMERICA FROM SEARS TOWER IN CHICAGO. TONIGHT, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT WISHES AND DREAMS. WHAT'S YOUR WISH THIS CHRISTMAS EVE? WHAT'S YOUR WISH? MY WISH IS TO TURN THE RADIO STATION. MAN: THE SUBJECT OF THIS EVENING'S MEDICAL UPDATE IS "YOU AND YOUR SPLEEN." NOT ON YOUR LIFE. WOMAN: COMING UP, "JINGLE BELLS" BACKWARDS SUNG BY THE NEW JERSEY CAPE MAYETTES. FIELDSTONE: SEATTLE, GO AHEAD. BOY: HELLO. THIS IS JONAH (BLEEP). WOMAN: NO LAST NAMES, JONAH. YOU SOUND YOUNGER THAN OUR CALLERS.

HOW OLD ARE YOU? BOY: I'M EIGHT. WOMAN: HOW COME YOU'RE UP SO LATE? BOY: IT'S NOT THAT LATE IN SEATTLE. WOMAN: YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. WHAT'S YOUR CHRISTMAS WISH, JONAH? BOY: IT'S NOT FOR ME. IT'S FOR MY DAD. HE NEEDS A NEW WIFE. WOMAN: YOU DON'T LIKE THE ONE HE HAS NOW? BOY: HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE NOW. THAT'S THE PROBLEM. WOMAN: WHERE'S YOUR MOM? BOY: SHE DIED. WOMAN: OH, I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT. WELL, WHO CAN BELIEVE THIS? BOY: I'VE BEEN PRETTY SAD, BUT I THINK MY DAD'S WORSE. WOMAN: HAVE YOU TALKED TO YOUR DAD ABOUT THIS? -BOY: NO. -WOMAN: WHY NOT? BOY: IT'S LIKE IT MAKES HIM SADDER. WOMAN: I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT. IS YOUR DAD HOME RIGHT NOW? -BOY: YEAH. -WOMAN: WHAT'S HE DOING? BOY: HE'S OUT ON THE DECK.

WOMAN: I'M SURE THAT I CAN HELP BUT I'M GOING TO NEED YOU TO HELP ME HELP HIM. WRETCHED WOMAN! WOMAN: BRING YOUR DAD TO THE PHONE. BOY: NO WAY. HE'D KILL ME. WOMAN: TRUST ME, JONAH. HE WON'T BE ANGRY WHEN HE REALIZES HOW CONCERNED YOU ARE ABOUT HIM. OH, WANT TO BET? BOY: IF I GET YELLED AT I'LL NEVER LISTEN TO YOUR SHOW AGAIN. WOMAN: OKAY. FAIR ENOUGH. JONAH: DAD? YEAH. THERE'S SOMEONE ON THE PHONE FOR YOU. HIS NAME'S SAM. WOMAN: IF YOU'VE JUST TUNED IN, THIS IS DR. MARCIA FIELDSTONE AND TONIGHT'S TOPIC IS "YOUR WISHES AND DREAMS." OKAY, I GOT IT.

WOMAN: WE'RE ON THE LINE NOW WITH SOMEONE FROM SEATTLE. -HELLO. -WOMAN: HELLO, SAM. THIS IS DR. MARCIA FIELDSTONE ON NETWORK AMERICA. OKAY. WHAT ARE YOU SELLING TONIGHT? IS IT THE MICRO-HIBACHIS OR THE GINZA KNIVES? WOMAN: I'M NOT SELLING ANYTHING. I JUST WANT TO HELP. YOUR SON CALLED AND HE ASKED ME FOR SOME ADVICE ON HOW YOU MIGHT FIND A NEW WIFE. WHO IS THIS? WOMAN: DR. MARCIA FIELDSTONE OF NETWORK AMERICA AND YOU ARE ON THE AIR. YOU CALLED A RADIO STATION? WOMAN: SAM… SAM, ARE YOU WITH ME? YEAH. YES. WOMAN: YOUR SON FEELS THAT SINCE YOUR WIFE'S DEATH YOU'VE BEEN VERY UNHAPPY AND HE'S GENUINELY WORRIED ABOUT YOU. OH, HEY. GET OUT HERE. GET OUT HERE.

I'M NOT GOING TO GO THROUGH THIS ALONE. WOMAN: IT'S VERY HARD FOR HIM TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT ALL THIS AND I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU AND I COULD TALK. JONAH WOULD FEEL A LITTLE BETTER. TALK TO HER, DAD. SHE'S A DOCTOR. OF WHAT? HER FIRST NAME COULD BE DOCTOR. PLEASE? WOMAN: SAM… SAM, IT'S HIS CHRISTMAS WISH. OKAY. WOMAN: OKAY. GOOD. NOW, I KNOW THIS IS DIFFICULT BUT HOW LONG AGO DID YOUR WIFE DIE? ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO. WOMAN: OH. HAVE YOU HAD ANY RELATIONSHIPS SINCE? NO. WOMAN: NO? WHY NOT? UH, MARCIA… OR SHOULD I CALL YOU DR. FIELDSTONE? WOMAN: DR. MARCIA. -SAM: DR. MARCIA… -DR. MARCIA.

.. SAM: I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE. WOMAN: OH, AND I DON'T WANT TO INVADE YOUR PRIVACY. -SAM: SURE YOU DO. -SURE YOU DO. WOMAN: GO ON, SAM. I'M LISTENING. SAM? WE HAD A PRETTY TOUGH TIME THERE AT FIRST… WOMAN: MMM-HMM. …BUT WE'RE DEALING WITH IT. AND JONAH AND I WILL GET ALONG JUST FINE AGAIN -AS SOON AS I BREAK HIS RADIO. -(FIELDSTONE LAUGHING) WOMAN: I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT YOU'RE A WONDERFUL FATHER. YOU CAN TELL A LOT FROM A PERSON'S VOICE. YOU CERTAINLY CAN. WOMAN: BUT SOMETHING MUST BE MISSING IF JONAH STILL FEELS THAT YOU'RE UNDER A CLOUD. NOW JUST A FEW QUESTIONS. ARE YOU SLEEPING AT NIGHT? JONAH: HE DOESN'T SLEEP AT ALL. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? I LIVE HERE, DAD. LOOK, IT'S CHRISTMAS. UH, MAGGIE.

. UH, MY WIFE… SHE REALLY DID IT UP. I MEAN, SHE LOVED… SHE MADE EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL… SAM: AND IT'S JUST TOUGH THIS TIME OF YEAR. ANY KID NEEDS A MOTHER. WOMAN: COULD IT BE THAT YOU NEED SOMEONE JUST AS MUCH AS JONAH DOES? YES. WOMAN: DON'T ANSWER THAT. LET'S GET INTO THAT AFTER THESE MESSAGES. SAM, JONAH, DON'T GO AWAY. IF YOU'VE JUST TUNED IN WE'RE TALKING TO SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS BREAK WITH YOUR LISTENER RESPONSE. WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? THIS IS WHEN OTHER PEOPLE CALL IN AND DUMP ON WHAT YOU SAID. OH… OH. WELL, THIS IS REALLY FUN. AND HELPFUL. WOMAN: I'LL BET HE'S TALL WITH A CUTE BUTT. BET HE HASN'T BATHED IN WEEKS AND HE STINKS.

HARRIET, SHUT UP. HI. CAN I HELP YOU? TEA WITH THE BAG OUT. MAYBE I'LL HUSTLE TO SEATTLE… GIVE HIM A LITTLE GIFT FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE. YEAH, YOU GO BUT DON'T OPEN HIS REFRIGERATOR. NOTHING'S COVERED. THEY JUST STICK IT IN THERE AND LEAVE IT TILL IT WALKS OUT BY ITSELF. WHAT I'M SAYING IS I WOULDN'T KICK THIS GUY OUT OF MY BED FOR EATING CRACKERS. 65 CENTS. FIELDSTONE: LET'S TAKE A CALL BEFORE WE GET BACK TO SLEEPLESS. KNOXVILLE, TENNESSEE, YOU'RE ON THE AIR. WOMAN: YES. WHERE COULD I GET THIS MAN'S ADDRESS? HUMPH. HONEY, GET IN LINE. FIELDSTONE: WE DON'T GIVE ADDRESSES OUT ON THE AIR. NEXT CALLER. OAKLAND… IF THERE WAS ONE QUESTION I WAS ALLOWED TO ASK..

. OH, GO AHEAD. FIELDSTONE: PEOPLE WHO TRULY LOVED ONCE ARE FAR MORE LIKELY TO LOVE AGAIN. SAM, DO YOU THINK THAT THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE YOU COULD LOVE AS MUCH AS YOUR WIFE? WELL, DR. MARCIA FIELDSTONE, IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE. FIELDSTONE: MM-HMM. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? WELL, I'M GOING TO GET OUT OF BED EVERY MORNING BREATHE IN AND OUT ALL DAY LONG AND THEN AFTER A WHILE I WON'T HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF TO GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING AND BREATHE IN AND OUT AND THEN AFTER A WHILE I WON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT HOW I HAD IT GREAT AND PERFECT FOR A WHILE. FIELDSTONE: SAM, TELL ME WHAT WAS SO SPECIAL ABOUT YOUR WIFE. SAM: WELL, HOW LONG IS YOUR PROGRAM? OH… WELL, IT WAS A MILLION TINY LITTLE THINGS. WHEN YOU ADD THEM ALL UP… IT JUST MEANT THAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER. AND I KNEW IT.

I KNEW IT THE VERY FIRST TIME I TOUCHED HER. IT WAS LIKE COMING HOME, ONLY TO NO HOME I'D EVER KNOWN. I WAS JUST TAKING HER HAND TO HELP HER OUT OF A CAR AND I KNEW IT. IT WAS LIKE… -SAM: MAGIC. -MAGIC. FIELDSTONE: WELL, FOLKS, IT'S TIME TO WRAP IT UP. I'M DR. MARCIA FIELDSTONE IN CHICAGO AND TO ALL MY LISTENERS, A MAGICAL AND MERRY CHRISTMAS. AND TO YOU, SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE WE HOPE YOU'LL CALL AGAIN SOON AND LET US KNOW HOW IT'S GOING. SAM: OH, YOU CAN COUNT ON IT. ♪ THAT'S WHERE YOU'LL FIND ME ♪ I KNOW SOMEWHERE ♪ OVER THE RAINBOW ♪ THE BLUEBIRDS GLIDE ♪ BIRDS FLY ♪ OVER THE RAINBOW ♪ WHY, THEN, OH, WHY ♪ CAN'T I? ♪ MAN: THIS MAN SELLS THE GREATEST SOUP YOU'VE EVER EATEN AND HE IS THE MEANEST MAN IN AMERICA.

I FEEL VERY STRONGLY ABOUT THIS, BECKY. IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT THE SOUP. WHAT ELSE? NEW YEAR'S EVE. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME WRITE IT. "PHONE SERVICE IN THE CHICAGO AREA "WAS TIED UP FOR TWO HOURS CHRISTMAS EVE "WHEN SOME KID CALLS A RADIO SHOW "AND SAYS HIS DAD NEEDS A NEW WIFE. "2,000 WOMEN CALLED THE STATION "ASKING FOR THE GUY'S NUMBER." I HEARD IT. THIS KID SAYS, "MY DAD NEEDS A WIFE" AND THE SHRINKETTE PRACTICALLY FORCES THE GUY ONTO THE PHONE AND SAYS, "DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?" AND HE SAYS, "NO" AND SUDDENLY, HE STARTS TALKING ABOUT HIS WIFE AND HOW HE JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH HER LIKE HE WAS ONE OF THOSE COWS IN MICHIGAN.

WHAT COWS IN MICHIGAN? IT WAS ON 60 MINUTES… THOSE COWS GOT ZAPPED BY VOLTAGE. MAYBE IT WAS WISCONSIN. ANYWAY, I WAS LISTENING TO HIM TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH HE LOVED HIS WIFE AND SUDDENLY, I WAS CRYING. IT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I WATCH THOSE PHONE COMPANY ADS. I DON'T HAVE TO SEE THE WHOLE THING… JUST THE PART WHERE THE DAUGHTER GIVES THE MOTHER THE REFRIGERATOR WITH THE BIG RED BOW. RED BOW. THE POLAROID COMMERCIAL? TWO FIVE-YEAR-OLDS AT THEIR GRANDFATHER'S BIRTHDAY. THEY'RE MAKING THE ALBUM. BECKY: WITH THE GLUE… THAT KILLS ME. YOU SHOULD WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. ABOUT WHAT? WHATEVER IT IS. 2,000 WOMEN CALLING A RADIO STATION FOR A HUSBAND? A LOT OF DESPERATE WOMEN ARE LOOKING FOR LOVE. ESPECIALLY OVER A CERTAIN AGE. IT'S EASIER TO BE KILLED BY A TERRORIST THAN IT IS TO GET MARRIED OVER 40. THAT STATISTIC IS NOT TRUE. THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S NOT TRUE. BUT IT FEELS TRUE. BECAUSE IT IS TRUE.

THERE'S PRACTICALLY A WHOLE BOOK ABOUT HOW THAT STATISTIC IS NOT TRUE. CALM DOWN. YOU BROUGHT IT UP. I DID NOT, WYATT. DID YOU EVEN READ THAT BOOK? DID ANYBODY READ THAT BOOK ALL THE WAY THROUGH? NOW, WHERE WERE WE? IF SOMEONE IS A WIDOWER WHY DO THEY SAY THAT HE WAS WIDOWED? WHY DON'T THEY SAY HE WAS WIDOWERED? I WAS JUST WONDERING. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT UP THERE? WHAT WAS WHAT? WHAT'S WITH YOU? NOTHING'S WITH ME. SOMETHING'S WITH YOU. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? WHATEVER IT IS, YOU CAN TELL ME. SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE? SHE CALLED HIM THAT BECAUSE HE CAN'T SLEEP. AND NOW 2,000 WOMEN WANT HIS NUMBER. THE GUY COULD BE A CRACK-HEAD A TRANSVESTITE, A FLASHER, A JUNKIE, A CHAIN SAW MURDERER OR SOMEONE REALLY SICK… SOMEONE LIKE MY RICK. ACTUALLY, HE SOUNDED NICE. OH? OH, REALLY. NOW WE'RE GETTING DOWN TO IT. PLEASE, BECKY.

I'M MADLY IN LOVE WITH WALTER. HE DID THE CRAZIEST THING THE OTHER NIGHT. WHAT WAS THAT? OH, IT WAS SO FUNNY. WE WERE HYSTERICAL. WHAT WAS THAT? HMM. (ORCHESTRA PLAYING "JEEPERS, CREEPERS") YOU KNOW, I'M THINKING I'VE GOT TO GO UP TO BOSTON FOR THE A.A.B. CONVENTION RIGHT? THEN I'VE GOT TO VISIT WINSTON HUGHES ABOUT SWITCHING OVER OUR COMPUTERS. WHY DON'T WE MEET IN NEW YORK VALENTINE'S DAY WEEKEND? WALTER, I'D LOVE TO. HMM? WE CAN STAY AT THE PLAZA. ICE-SKATE IN CENTRAL PARK. REGISTER. REGISTER? YOU KNOW, FOR DISHES, GLASSES, SILVER… EVERYTHING. HMM? HOW ABOUT IT? I'LL TAKE YOU TO CHINATOWN FOR DIM SUM. DOES IT HAVE WHEAT IN IT? I DON'T THINK SO. ♪ DIM SUM, DIM SUM ♪ DO, BE, DO, BAH ♪ CROWD: TEN.

.. NINE… EIGHT… SEVEN… SIX… FIVE… FOUR… THREE… TWO… ONE… HEY, JONAH. WAKE UP. WAKE UP. THE BALL'S DROPPING. CROWD: HAPPY NEW YEAR! (ORCHESTRA PLAYING "AULD LANG SYNE") OKAY, PAL. IT'S OKAY. OH, HERE WE GO. OH, YEAH. HAPPY NEW YEAR. HAPPY NEW YEAR. KISS HOWARD. GOOD NIGHT, HOWARD. ♪ SOMETIMES I WONDER ♪ WHY I SPEND ♪ THE LONELY NIGHT ♪ DREAMING OF A SONG ♪ THE MELODY ♪ HAUNTS MY REVERIE ♪ AND I AM ONCE AGAIN WITH YOU ♪ WHEN OUR LOVE WAS NEW ♪ AND EACH KISS AN INSPIRATION ♪ BUT THAT WAS LONG AGO ♪ NOW MY CONSOLATION ♪ IS IN THE STARDUST OF A SONG ♪ BESIDE ♪ A GARDEN WALL ♪ WHEN STARS ARE BRIGHT ♪ YOU ARE IN MY ARMS ♪ THE NIGHTINGALE ♪ TELLS HIS FAIRY TALE ♪ OF PARADISE WHERE ROSES BLOOM ♪ CAN I HAVE HALF YOUR BEER? SURE. GO AHEAD.

WHAT DID I USE TO SAY? "HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU"? "HERE'S MUD IN YOUR EYE." "HERE'S TO US." YOU USED TO SAY, "HERE'S TO US." OH, BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH, IT HURTS. WE'LL TELL HIM WHEN HE GETS HERE. YOU WANT TO TELL HIM? I DON'T MIND… HE'S BACK. SHE HAS ANOTHER IDEA. NO, NO… SAM, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. I HEARD YOU ON THE RADIO. I TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT IT. WE ALREADY KNEW. -HOW? -GRACE. THE DISPATCHER? ALL OF SEATTLE KNOWS. I WAS BRUSHING MY TEETH, AND SUDDENLY THERE YOU WERE. I CALLED MY MOTHER IN LAS VEGAS. I SAID, "MOTHER, TURN ON THE RADIO. "THAT'S MY ARCHITECT." IT IS SO NICE WHEN A MAN CAN EXPRESS HIS FEELINGS. IT'S WONDERFUL.

YEAH, I WISH I COULD EXPRESS MY FEELINGS. SO, CLAIRE, IS THERE A PROBLEM? I WAS JUST TOSSING AND TURNING LAST NIGHT… YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE… BECAUSE I REALIZED I'LL NEVER FIT MY PLATTERS IN THAT REFRIGERATOR WE ORDERED. AND WHEN I GIVE PARTIES, I ALWAYS PUT IN PLATTERS. SO, I THOUGHT I WOULD GET THE SUB ZERO REFRIGERATOR INSTEAD. THE ONLY PROBLEM… WE HAVE TO REDO ALL THE CABINETS. WE'LL BE INTO THIS WALL. THAT'S A BEARING WALL. THAT'S A DELAY… -OF TWO, THREE… -FIVE, SIX… -12 WEEKS. -I DON'T MIND. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO GET IT RIGHT. ABSOLUTELY. I'VE GOT TO RUSH. LA DECORATEUR CALLS. BYE. BYE. BYE-BYE. BYE. WELL, THIS IS FATE. SHE'S DIVORCED.

WE DON'T WANT TO REDO THE CABINETS. AND YOU NEED A WIFE. WHAT DO THEY CALL THAT WHEN EVERYTHING INTERSECTS? THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE. MAN: AND THERE'S ANOTHER ONE. YOU GOT ROOM FOR ONE MORE HERE? THERE YOU GO. LOOK AT THIS, DAD. THEY'RE ALL FOR YOU. HERE YOU GO. "SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE, CARE OF DR. MARCIA FIELDSTONE." IF YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE SLEEPING TRY DRINKING A GLASS OF WATER FROM THE OTHER SIDE. I THOUGHT THAT WAS FOR HICCUPS. DOES IT WORK FOR HICCUPS? FOR HICCUPS, TAKE A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR AND HOLD IT IN YOUR MOUTH FOR A MINUTE. THANK YOU. WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO GIVE THEM OUR ADDRESS? THEY CALLED AND ASKED FOR IT. "DEAR SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE "YOU'RE THE MOST ATTRACTIVE MAN I EVER LAID EARS ON." WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. THEY CALLED? HOW DID THEY GET OUR NUMBER? OH, LET ME GUESS…

YOU GAVE IT TO THEM. YOU HAVE TO OR THEY WON'T LET YOU ON THE AIR. "DEAR SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE "I LIVE IN TULSA." WHERE'S THAT? IT'S IN OKLAHOMA. DO YOU KNOW WHERE OKLAHOMA IS? SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE? I WON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT WHAT THEY'RE NOT TEACHING IN SCHOOL. YEAH, SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE. GENERALLY SPEAKING WE SHOULD RULE OUT ANYONE THAT DOESN'T LIVE NEAR HERE. SHE'S WILLING TO FLY ANYWHERE. SHE LOOKS LIKE MY THIRD GRADE TEACHER AND I HATED MY THIRD GRADE TEACHER. WAIT A MINUTE. SHE IS MY THIRD GRADE TEACHER! WON'T YOU READ ANY OF THESE? NO, BECAUSE THIS IS NOT HOW IT'S DONE. I'D MUCH RATHER JUST SEE SOMEBODY I LIKE AND GET A FEELING ABOUT THEM AND ASK THEM IF THEY WANT TO HAVE A DRINK.

OR A SLICE OF PIZZA? NOT DINNER ON THE FIRST DATE, BECAUSE HALFWAY THROUGH DINNER YOU COULD BE SORRY YOU ASKED THEM TO DINNER. IF IT'S JUST A DRINK, IF YOU LIKE THEM YOU CAN ALWAYS ASK THEM TO DINNER BUT IF NOT, YOU CAN JUST SAY, "WELL, THAT WAS GREAT" AND GO HOME. SEE WHAT I MEAN? I WONDER IF IT STILL WORKS THIS WAY. IT DOESN'T. THEY ASK YOU. I'M STARTING TO NOTICE THAT. IF YOU GET A NEW WIFE I GUESS YOU'LL HAVE SEX WITH HER, HUH? I CERTAINLY HOPE SO. WILL SHE SCRATCH UP YOUR BACK? WHAT? IN MOVIES, WOMEN ARE ALWAYS SCRATCHING UP THE MEN'S BACK AND SCREAMING AND STUFF WHEN THEY'RE HAVING SEX. HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS? JED'S GOT CABLE. OH, JED'S… HAND ME THAT TOWEL BEHIND YOU. THANK YOU. I NEED IT TOO. HERE, LET ME GET YOU.

(GROANING) "JED'S GOT CABLE…" ♪ ANOTHER BRIDE ♪ ANOTHER GROOM ♪ ANOTHER SUNNY HONEYMOON ♪ ANOTHER SEASON ♪ AND THAT'S THE REASON FOR MAKING WHOOPEE ♪ (SNORING) ♪ WHEN THE SUN IS HIGH IN THE AFTERNOON SKY ♪ YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING TO DO ♪ BUT FROM DUSK TILL DAWN ♪ AS THE CLOCK TICKS ON ♪ SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU ♪ IN THE WEE, SMALL HOURS OF THE MORNING ♪ WHILE THE WHOLE, WIDE WORLD IS FAST ASLEEP ♪ YOU LIE AWAKE AND THINK ABOUT THE BOY ♪ AND NEVER, EVER THINK OF COUNTING SHEEP ♪ ANNOUNCER: WELCOME BACK TO THE BEST OF DR.

MARCIA FIELDSTONE CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST AND THE FRIEND YOU NEVER HAD. REMEMBER "MAROONED IN MIAMI"? WOMAN: HE SAYS HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE. FIELDSTONE: WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T LOVE YOU? ANNOUNCER: "DISAPPOINTED IN DENVER." WOMAN: EVERY TIME I COME CLOSE TO ORGASM HE GOES TO MAKE HIMSELF A SANDWICH. FIELDSTONE: WHY DON'T YOU MAKE HIM A SANDWICH BEFOREHAND? ANNOUNCER: "SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE." SAM: WELL, I'M GOING TO GET OUT OF BED EVERY MORNING… BREATHE IN AND OUT ALL DAY LONG AND THEN AFTER A WHILE, I WON'T HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF TO GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING AND BREATHE IN AND OUT. AND THEN AFTER A WHILE, I WON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT HOW I HAD IT GREAT AND PERFECT FOR A WHILE.

FIELDSTONE: SAM, TELL ME WHAT WAS SO SPECIAL ABOUT YOUR WIFE. SAM: WELL, HOW LONG IS YOUR PROGRAM? OH, WELL, IT WAS A MILLION TINY LITTLE THINGS AND WHEN YOU ADD THEM ALL UP IT JUST MEANT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER, THAT'S ALL. AND I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT THE VERY FIRST TIME I TOUCHED HER. IT WAS LIKE COMING HOME… ONLY TO NO HOME I'D EVER KNOWN. I WAS JUST TAKING HER HAND TO HELP HER OUT OF A CAR AND I KNEW IT. IT WAS LIKE… MAGIC. WELL, I THINK I'M GOING CRAZY, DENNIS. I REALLY DO. ARE YOU HAPPILY MARRIED? WHAT? I MEAN, WHY DID YOU GET MARRIED? WAS IT ALL TRUMPETS AND FIREWORKS? I GOT MARRIED BECAUSE BETSY SAID WE HAD TO BREAK UP OR GET MARRIED.

BUT WHEN YOU FIRST MET HER DID YOU BELIEVE THAT SHE WAS THE ONLY PERSON FOR YOU THAT IN SOME, MYSTICAL, COSMIC WAY, IT WAS FATED? ANNIE, WHEN YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE IT JUST MEANS THAT YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS IS ATTRACTED TO THEIR SUBCONSCIOUS… SUBCONSCIOUSLY. SO "FATE" IS JUST TWO NEUROSES KNOWING THEY'RE A PERFECT MATCH. (PIANO PLAYS DISCORDANTLY) I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM. I AM HAVING ALL OF THESE FANTASIES ABOUT SOME MAN I HAVE NEVER EVEN MET, WHO LIVES IN SEATTLE. IT RAINS NINE MONTHS STRAIGHT THERE. I KNOW, I KNOW. I DO NOT WANT TO MOVE TO SEATTLE. BUT WHAT I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO IS END UP ALWAYS WONDERING WHAT MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED AND KNOWING I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING. WHAT DO YOU THINK? IT'S JUST COLD FEET ISN'T IT? EVERYBODY PANICS BEFORE THEY GET MARRIED. DIDN'T YOU? YES, I DID.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER HAVING BLOWN THIS OFF. ANYTIME. SANDY HAS A GIRLFRIEND, GLENDA. SHE'S A WEIGHT LIFTER. IT'S NOT LIKE HER NECK IS BIGGER THAN HER HEAD… I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO SET ME UP. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE OUT THERE. THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU… WHAT WOMEN ARE LOOKING FOR. PECS AND A CUTE BUTT. YOU MEAN, LIKE, "HE HAS THE CUTEST BUTT." WHERE DID I HEAR THAT RECENTLY? YOU CAN'T EVEN TURN ON THE NEWS WITHOUT HEARING ABOUT HOW SOME BABE THOUGHT SOME GUY'S BUTT WAS CUTE. WHO THE FIRST WOMAN TO SAY THIS WAS, I DON'T KNOW BUT SOMEHOW IT CAUGHT ON. SO HOW'S MY BUTT? NOT BAD. -REALLY? -YEAH. IS IT CUTE THOUGH? ARE WE GRADING ON A CURVE? WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WERE OUT THERE? UH..

. UH… UH, JIMMY CARTER. THINGS ARE A LITTLE DIFFERENT NOW. FIRST, YOU HAVE TO BE FRIENDS. YOU HAVE TO LIKE EACH OTHER. THEN YOU NECK. THIS COULD GO ON FOR YEARS. THEN YOU HAVE TESTS. THEN YOU GET TO DO IT WITH A CONDOM. THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU SPLIT THE CHECK. I DON'T THINK I COULD LET A WOMAN PAY FOR DINNER. THEY'LL THROW A PARADE IN YOUR HONOR. YOU'LL BE MAN OF THE YEAR IN SEATTLE MAGAZINE. TIRAMISU. WHAT IS TIRAMISU? YOU'LL FIND OUT. -WELL, WHAT IS IT? -YOU'LL SEE. SOME WOMAN IS GOING TO WANT ME TO DO IT AND I WON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. YOU'LL LOVE IT. THIS IS GOING TO BE MUCH TOUGHER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE. WHAT ABOUT THAT DECORATOR ON THE BENNETT JOB? -VICTORIA. -YEAH, SHE'S PERKY. AW, NO..

. WHAT? WHAT? I'M FAR AWAY FROM THAT. HOW WOULD I DO THAT? YOU CALL HER UP AND SAY "LET'S LOOK AT SWATCHES." CALL HER AND SAY, "COME, LET'S LOOK AT SWATCHES." YEAH, COLOR SCHEMES. SHE'S NOT GOING TO SEE THROUGH THAT? DO IT IN YOUR OWN SUAVE WAY. THINK CARY GRANT. CARY GRANT WOULD CALL UP AND SAY, "COME OVER AND LOOK AT MY SWATCHES"? I KNOW HE DIDN'T DO IT IN THE MOVIE. GUNGA DIN? GUNGA DIN IS NOT A SWATCH KIND OF MOVIE. WHO KNOWS WHAT HE DID IN REAL LIFE? HE DID THAT WITH DYAN CANNON? (IMITATING GRANT) HELLO, DYAN… LOOK AT THESE SWATCHES. JONAH, I'M HOME. HEY, JONAH. JONAH? HEY, JONAH? HEY, JONAH? HI, DAD. THIS IS JESSICA. IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. DAD, THIS IS AMAZING. IF YOU PLAY THIS BACKWARDS IT SAYS, "PAUL IS DEAD." UH, YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW. HOW DO YOU KNOW? DAD, COULD YOU SHUT THE DOOR? SURE, SURE.

"H" AND "G." HI AND GOOD-BYE. (WESTERN SONG INTRO) ♪ I'M BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN ♪ OUT WHERE A FRIEND IS A FRIEND ♪ WHERE THE LONGHORN CATTLE FEED ON THE LOWLY JIMSON WEED ♪ BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN ♪ RIDING THE RANGE ONCE MORE ♪ TOTIN' MY OLD .44 ♪ WHERE YOU SLEEP OUT EVERY NIGHT ♪ HELLO, VICTORIA? (CLEARS THROAT) THIS IS SAM BALDWIN. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER ME, BUT… OH. OH, GREAT. HI. UH… I, UH… I WAS WONDERING IF, UH… IF… IF, UH… IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A DRINK WITH ME. DINNER? DINNER WOULD BE EVEN BETTER. FRIDAY WOULD BE GREAT, YEAH. I HEAR THAT'S A GOOD PLACE. 7:30 WOULD BE… WOULD BE FINE AND I'LL, UH… I'LL, UH..

. OKAY I'LL MEET YOU THERE. OKAY, ALL RIGHT. UM, SO THIS… UH… IT'S FRIDAY AT 7:30. FOR DINNER. GREAT. ME TOO. BYE. ♪ BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN ♪ (TYPEWRITER KEYS CLICKING) Are you in love with him? I'm not now. NOW THOSE WERE THE DAYS WHEN PEOPLE KNEW HOW TO BE IN LOVE. YOU'RE A BASKET CASE. THEY KNEW IT. TIME, DISTANCE… NOTHING COULD SEPARATE THEM BECAUSE THEY KNEW IT WAS RIGHT, IT WAS REAL, IT WAS… A MOVIE. THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN LOVE. YOU WANT TO BE IN LOVE IN A MOVIE. READ IT TO ME. "DEAR SLEEPLESS AND SON "I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN A LETTER LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE…" THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE WRITES AT THE BEGINNING OF LETTERS TO STRANGERS. YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT? WHAT ABOUT WALTER? WALTER.

OH, I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO MARRY WALTER. HE'S SO… UNEXPECTED. YOU THINK YOU CAN TELL WHAT HE'S LIKE BY JUST LOOKING AT HIM, BUT YOU CAN'T. I SHOULD WRITE SOMETHING IN THIS ABOUT MAGIC. WHAT? WHAT IF I NEVER MEET HIM? WHAT IF THIS MAN IS MY DESTINY AND I NEVER MEET HIM? YOUR DESTINY CAN BE YOUR DOOM. LOOK AT ME AND RICK. I WANT TO MEET YOU… MAN ON TV: HOW ABOUT THE TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING. ON THE TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING. SUNSET, VALENTINE'S DAY. I'LL BE IN NEW YORK WITH WALTER. I CAN SQUEEZE IT IN. I'LL BE IN NEW YORK WITH WALTER. DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT DESTINY? IF I HADN'T MARRIED MARTIN I NEVER WOULD HAVE BOUGHT THE HOUSE WITH THE DEAD TREE. ON ACCOUNT OF WHICH, I GOT DIVORCED. ON ACCOUNT OF WHICH I HIT A CAR AND MET RICK WHILE BUYING A NECK BRACE. YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU GOT A DIVORCE BECAUSE OF A DEAD TREE.

THE TREE MAN. YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH THE TREE MAN? I DID NOT SAY "LOVE." DID I SAY "LOVE"? THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART. IT'S NOW OR NEVER. "NEVER" IS A FRIGHTENING WORD. -WE'D BE FOOLS TO LET HAPPINESS PASS US BY. -MMM-HMM. KERR: WINTER MUST BE COLD FOR THOSE WITH NO WARM MEMORIES. WE'VE ALREADY MISSED THE SPRING. MEN NEVER GET THIS MOVIE. I KNOW. JONAH: MOMMY! MOMMY! -MOMMY! -IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. -I'M HERE. -DAD! I'M COMING. IT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. IT'S ALL RIGHT. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT, HMM? IT WAS SINKING. WHAT WAS? OUR HOUSE. THERE WAS WATER COMING IN ALL THE WINDOWS. OH. IT'S OKAY NOW.

IT'S ALL RIGHT. SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO? YOUR MOTHER USED TO SING TO YOU WHEN YOU HAD BAD DREAMS. "BYE-BYE, BLACKBIRD." YEAH. I MISS HER. WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS TO SOMEONE AFTER THEY DIE? I DON'T KNOW. LIKE, DO YOU BELIEVE IN HEAVEN? I NEVER DID. OR THE WHOLE IDEA OF AN AFTERLIFE BUT NOW I DON'T KNOW 'CAUSE I HAVE THESE DREAMS ABOUT HER… ABOUT YOUR MOM… AND WE HAVE LONG TALKS… ABOUT YOU. HOW YOU'RE DOING. SHE SORT OF KNOWS, BUT I TELL HER ANYWAY. SO WHAT IS THAT? IT'S SORT OF AN AFTERLIFE, ISN'T IT? I'M STARTING TO FORGET HER. OH, NO. SHE COULD PEEL AN APPLE IN ONE LONG, CURLY STRIP. THE WHOLE APPLE. ♪ PACK UP ALL MY CARES AND WOE ♪ FEELING LOW ♪ HERE I GO ♪ I SAY BYE-BYE, BLACKBIRD ♪ I LOVE YOU, JONAH. I LOVE YOU, DAD. ♪ WHERE SOMEBODY WAITS FOR ME ♪ SEE YOU TOMORROW.

♪ SUGAR'S SWEET, AND SO IS SHE ♪ SAY BYE-BYE, BLACKBIRD ♪ NO ONE SEEMS TO LOVE OR UNDERSTAND ME ♪ OH, AND HARD LUCK STORIES ♪ THEY KEEP HANDING ME, YEAH ♪ WHERE SOMEBODY SHINES A LIGHT ♪ I'M COMING ON HOME TONIGHT NOW ♪ OH, LORD, YEAH, DARLIN' ♪ I WANT TO SAY BYE-BYE, BLACKBIRD ♪ LORD HAVE MERCY ♪ SOMEBODY LOVE ME NOW ♪ LAURIE? HI, IT'S ANNIE. FINE, FINE, I'M FINE. LISTEN, I'M DOING AN ARTICLE ON CALL-IN RADIO SHOWS. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO WORKS FOR SOMEONE NAMED DR. MARCIA FIELDSTONE? I'M A WRITER FOR THE BALTIMORE SUN AND A FRIEND OF LAURIE JOHNSON. I'M DOING A PIECE ON HOW PEOPLE HANDLE BEREAVEMENT. YOU HAD A CALLER THE OTHER NIGHT…

SOME GUY FROM SEATTLE. THIS IS JONAH BALDWIN. WE'RE NOT IN RIGHT NOW, BUT YOU CAN LEAVE… BALDWIN. ARCHITECT. PSST. OKAY, CLARISE, I'M GOING TO BE BACK EITHER BY MIDNIGHT OR 8:30 IF DISASTER STRIKES. HERE'S ONE FOR THE BOTH OF US. "SLEEPLESS AND SON." BALTIMORE. I LEFT THE NUMBER OF THE RESTAURANT I'LL BE AT. HERE'S A BOTTLE OF IPECAC IF ANYBODY DRINKS POISON. IT'S RIGHT HERE NEXT TO THE JUICE GLASSES. HOW DO I LOOK? GREAT. I LOOK STUPID. I LOOK LIKE I'M TRYING TOO HARD. I WAS GOING TO GET A HAIRCUT BUT THEN I'D JUST LOOK LIKE I GOT A HAIRCUT. THIS IS A GOOD LETTER. THESE SHOES ARE GROTESQUE. I LOOK LIKE I'M TRYING TO BE TALL. HER NAME IS ANNIE. ANNIE REED.

DAD, READ THIS! READ THIS. "DEAR SLEEPLESS AND SON… "…AN EXCELLENT THIRD BASEMAN "FOR AS LONG AS ANYONE CAN REMEMBER "AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT "BROOKS ROBINSON WAS THE BEST THIRD BASEMAN EVER. "IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU AGREE ON THAT "BECAUSE I'M FROM BALTIMORE." SHE THINKS HE'S THE GREATEST. EVERYONE THINKS HE IS. IT'S A SIGN. COME HERE. I'LL SHOW YOU A SIGN. HERE IS A SIGN. ALL RIGHT, WHERE IS SEATTLE? RIGHT. WHERE IS BALTIMORE? IT'S RIGHT THERE. LOOK, ONE, TWO, THREE… THERE'S LIKE 26 STATES BETWEEN HERE AND THERE. NOW THAT'S A SIGN. I'M OUT OF HERE. GOOD-BYE, GOOD NIGHT. I LOVE YOU. CLARISE, DID YOU MOVE YOUR CAR? HUH? THANK YOU, DERRICK.

I'LL HAVE A… WHITE WINE SPRITZER. AND YOU, SIR? I'M FINE, THANK YOU. -HI. -HI. YOU LOOK GOOD. YOU LOOK GOOD YOURSELF. I THOUGHT YOU WERE NEVER GOING TO CALL ME. -YOU DID? -I REALLY WANTED YOU TO AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE NEVER GOING TO. EXCUSE ME, MR. BALDWIN? -YES? -THERE'S A PHONE CALL FOR YOU. EXCUSE ME. THANK YOU. HELLO? JONAH: DAD, CAN WE GO TO NEW YORK FOR VALENTINE'S DAY? WHAT? ANNIE REED FROM BALTIMORE WANTS TO MEET US AT THE TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING ON VALENTINE'S DAY. JONAH? WHAT? HAVE YOU FALLEN? ARE YOU BLEEDING? IS CLARISE THERE? -HAS SHE BEEN STRANGLE? -NO. THIS IS THE ONLY REASON FOR THIS CALL. IF WE BOOK NOW WE CAN GET AN EXCURSION FARE. JESSICA'S PARENTS ARE TRAVELS AGENTS AND JESSICA SAYS… I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW. WE'LL TALK LATER. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS CONVERSATION HAS LASTED THIS LONG.

YOU GO TO BED. EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? OH, YEAH. -DO YOU HAVE KIDS? -NO. YOU WANT MINE? I WILL HAVE AN ABSOLUT STRAIGHT UP, PLEASE. CERTAINLY. (LAUGHING) (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) (SHUTTER CLICKS) (CLICK) (CLICK) (CLICK) (CLICK) (WHIRRING) HEY, HEY, HEY, PUT THAT DOWN. STOP IT. THERE SHE IS. WHY IS SHE BRINGING GROCERIES? SHE'S GOING TO COOK SOMETHING FOR US SO BE PREPARED. HI, SAM. THANKS AND LET ME GUESS. YOU MUST BE JONAH. HI. -SO, THIS IT? -YEAH. -THE CAR'S DOWN THIS WAY. -GREAT. SHE'S ON HER SIXTH PAINTER AND WE'RE NEVER GOING TO FINISH THIS JOB. SHE WANTS THE FIREPLACE REBRICKED. I COULD GIVE HER A CALL. NO, I'LL JUST HIT HER WITH ONE OF THOSE BRICKS. (LAUGHING) OH, THAT IS SO FUNNY. YOU ARE SO FUNNY. SHE GOES THROUGH THIS SONG AND DANCE, "OH, I DON'T KNOW, I'M STUPID. "YOU KNOW BETTER, BUT COULDN'T WE FLIP THE HOUSE AROUND "SO EVERYTHING ON ONE SIDE IS ON THE OTHER "AND THE BACK IS IN FRONT? "AND COULD THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE "OPEN ON ONE GREAT BIG HINGE.

" I SAID "YEAH, WE CAN DO THAT. "WE'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO…" MOVE THE KITCHEN CABINETS. (LAUGHING) HEY, JONAH, BRING SOME OF THAT STUFF AROUND, ALL RIGHT? DO YOU LIKE BASEBALL? UH, YES, I DO. IN FACT, MY FIRM HAS BOX SEATS TO THE MARINERS. WHY DON'T WE ALL GO SOMETIME? HEY! WHAT ABOUT CAMPING? WHAT ABOUT IT? DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? I WENT CAMPING ONCE. YOU KNOW WHAT, DAD? WE OUGHT TO START CAMPING MORE OFTEN. YOU'RE RIGHT. CAMPING IS GOOD. TIME FOR BED. IT'S ONLY 10:00. YEAH, 10:00. TIME FOR BED. GOOD-NIGHT. WELL, HEY, HEY, HEY. DON'T YOU WANT TO THANK VICTORIA FOR THIS DELICIOUS DINNER? THANKS FOR DINNER. I NEVER SAW ANYBODY COOK POTATOES THAT WAY. I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT. GOOD-NIGHT, JONAH. (DOOR SHUTS) YEAH, WE DON'T SEE A LOT OF POTATOES AROUND HERE.

WE'RE RICE MEN. (VICTORIA LAUGHING) (PHONE RINGING) UGH. OH… OH… I'M SORRY, WALTER. I'M SORRY. HELLO. BECKY: TURN ON YOUR RADIO. WHAT? THE KID IS ON. YOU'VE GOT ME LISTENING TO THIS GARBAGE. GO. TURN IT ON. WHO IS IT? IT'S BECKY. SHE'S… SHE'S HAVING TROUBLE WITH RICK AGAIN. I'LL GO DOWNSTAIRS. BECKY, I'LL CALL YOU BACK. I'M SORRY, WALTER. ARE YOU BLEEDING? (MOANING) (GASPING) JONAH: HE'S OUTSIDE KISSING HER RIGHT THIS MINUTE. FIELDSTONE: OH, REALLY? JONAH, TELL THE TRUTH. ARE YOU SPYING ON YOUR FATHER? WHO'S HE KISSING RIGHT THIS MINUTE? JONAH: I HAVE TO MAKE THEM STOP. HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO WALTER? JONAH: SHE BROUGHT TWO BAGS OF GROCERIES LIKE SHE WAS STAYING HERE FOR A YEAR. FIELDSTONE: IT'S GOOD THAT YOUR FATHER'S DATING.

IT'S JUST HARD ON YOU. IT'S SOMETHING THAT YOU THINK YOU WANT BUT THEN WHEN IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS IT SCARES YOU. JONAH: THAT'S NOT TRUE. FIELDSTONE: SHOULDN'T YOUR FATHER BE THE JUDGE OF WHETHER SOMEONE IS RIGHT OR WRONG FOR HIM? JONAH: HE'S NOT SANE ENOUGH TO JUDGE ANYTHING. NOW HE'S KISSING HER ON THE LIPS. MY DAD'S BEEN CAPTURED BY A HO. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? FIELDSTONE: CALM DOWN, JONAH. TOMORROW WHEN YOU'RE SITTING DOWN TO BREAKFAST WITH YOUR DAD TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. IT'S NOT GOOD TO KEEP YOUR FEELINGS INSIDE YOU. (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) MISS SCARLET, IN THE BROOM CLOSET WITH THE RADIO. WALTER. YOU SCARED ME. DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN. I THOUGHT I SAW A BLACK WIDOW SPIDER. YOU SCARED US TO DEATH. IT WAS RIGHT OVER THERE. THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK YOU SEE A BLACK WIDOW SPIDER SAY, "DAD, EXCUSE ME "BUT I BELIEVE A POISONOUS INSECT "IS IN THE HOUSE.

" YOU SCREAM LIKE THAT AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU. BECKY HEARD THIS GUY ON THE RADIO SHE WAS SURE WAS RICK. SHE WAS COMPLETELY HYSTERICAL AND THEN IT TURNED OUT THE GUY LIVED IN DULUTH. WHERE IS DULUTH? THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. I KNOW, WALTER. IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL. THANK GOD MY LIFE IS IN PLACE. DULUTH. THAT'S IN, UH, NORTH DAKOTA. I LOVE THIS LETTER. YOU HAVE TO WRITE TO HER. YOU THINK SO? IT'S Y-O-H. YEAH. WHAT'S THAT? YOUR ONLY HOPE. I THOUGHT I WOULD LOOK INTO DOING A STORY ON THOSE RADIO SHOWS. YOU'D PROBABLY HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE TO REALLY LOOK INTO IT. DEFINITELY. COULDN'T YOU DO A PHONE INTERVIEW? NOT FOR THE KIND OF PIECE I WANT TO DO. I WON'T BE IN CHICAGO THAT LONG. WHEN YOU GET BACK, I'LL BE GONE.

AND THEN I'LL SEE YOU IN NEW YORK. I'LL GET IT. I'LL… THIS IS CAPTAIN BROWNING AND WE'RE AT OUR CRUISING ALTITUDE OF APPROXIMATELY 35,000 FEET. THE WEATHER LOOKS CLEAR TO THE WEST AND WE EXPECT TO ARRIVE IN SEATTLE ON SCHEDULE. DON'T YOU HATE FLYING? YES, I DO AND I JUST TOLD THE MOST TERRIBLE ONE TO THE MAN I'M ABOUT TO MARRY. DO YOU FEEL THAT ANY LIE IS A BETRAYAL? I SAID "FLYING." OH… OH. (SIGHS) THANKS FOR BRINGING ME OUT HERE. OH, WELL, HE LIKES THE PLANES. CAN I BRING SOMETHING BACK FOR YOU? SOUVENIR? DOES HE LIKE THOSE LITTLE SNOW GLOBES? YOU SHAKE THEM UP AND THEN THE SNOW FLOATS DOWN. SURE.

I'D REALLY LIKE THAT. THANK YOU SO MUCH. HE'S EIGHT. HE'S GOOD AT IT. I READ AN ARTICLE ABOUT THIS. ALL CHILDREN ARE HIDEOUS AT THE AGE OF EIGHT. WELL, MAYBE WHEN I COME BACK THE TWO OF US OUGHT TO SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER ON OUR OWN. WHAT DO YOU THINK? BYE. BYE, JONAH. BYE. JONAH… LISTEN TO ME. YOU DON'T KNOW VICTORIA. I HARDLY KNOW HER MYSELF. SHE IS, IN FACT, A MYSTERY TO ME. SHE TOSSES HER HAIR. WHY DOES SHE DO THIS? I HAVE NO IDEA. IS IT A TWITCH? DOES SHE NEED A HAIRCUT? SHOULD SHE USE A BARRETTE TO KEEP HER HAIR OUT OF HER FACE? THESE ARE THINGS I'M WILLING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF AND THAT IS WHY I AM DATING HER. THAT'S ALL I'M DOING. I'M NOT LIVING WITH HER. I'M NOT MARRYING HER. CAN YOU APPRECIATE THE DIFFERENCE? THIS IS WHAT SINGLE PEOPLE DO. THEY TRY OTHER PEOPLE ON AND SEE HOW THEY FIT.

BUT EVERYBODY'S AN ADJUSTMENT. NOBODY'S PERFECT. THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT… COME ON. DAD, I WAS TALKING TO JESSICA ABOUT REINCARNATION. SHE SAYS YOU KNEW ANNIE IN ANOTHER LIFE. -WHO'S ANNIE? -THE ONE WHO WROTE US. BUT JESSICA SAYS YOU AND ANNIE NEVER GOT TOGETHER IN THAT LIFE SO YOUR HEARTS ARE LIKE PUZZLES WITH MISSING PIECES AND WHEN YOU GET TOGETHER, THE PUZZLE'S COMPLETE. GODDAMN IT. THE REASON I KNOW THIS AND YOU DON'T IS BECAUSE I'M YOUNGER AND PURE SO I'M MORE IN TOUCH WITH COSMIC FORCES. WHO TOLD YOU THIS STUFF? JESSICA. I SINCERELY HOPE YOU'RE NOT MARRYING JESSICA. ♪ I REMEMBER THE DAYS OF JUST KEEPING TIME ♪ OF HANGING AROUND ♪ IN SLEEPY TOWNS FOREVER ♪ BACK ROADS ♪ EMPTY FOR MILES ♪ WELL, YOU CAN'T HAVE A DREAM ♪ AND CUT IT TO FIT ♪ BUT WHEN I SAW YOU I KNEW ♪ WE'D GO TOGETHER ♪ LIKE A WINK AND A SMILE ♪ LEAVE YOUR OLD JALOPY ♪ BY THE RAILROAD TRACK ♪ WE'LL GET A HIP, DOUBLE-DIP, TIP-TOPPY ♪ TWO-SEAT PONTIAC ♪ SO YOU CAN REV HER UP ♪ DON'T GO SLOW ♪ IT'S ONLY GREEN LIGHTS AND ALL RIGHTS ♪ LET'S GO TOGETHER ♪ WITH A WINK AND A SMILE ♪ GIVE ME A WINK AND A SMILE ♪ WE GO TOGETHER ♪ LIKE A WINK AND A SMILE ♪ NOW MY HEART HEARS MUSIC ♪ SUCH A SIMPLE SONG ♪ SING IT AGAIN ♪ THE NOTES NEVER END ♪ THIS IS WHERE I BELONG ♪ JUST THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE ♪ THE LIGHT IN YOUR EYES ♪ WE'RE SO FAR AWAY FROM YESTERDAY ♪ TOGETHER ♪ WITH WINK AND A SMILE ♪ WE GO TOGETHER ♪ LIKE A WINK AND A SMILE ♪ ANNIE: I WATCHED HIM PLAY WITH HIS SON AT THE BEACH.

BECKY: DID YOU TALK TO HIM? I COULDN'T DO IT. (SIGHS) HOW DID I GET HERE? BECKY: YOU TOLD A LIE AND GOT ON A PLANE. THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN. I'M GOING BACK OVER THERE TOMORROW AND TALK TO HIM. I AM. OKAY. GOOD. GOOD-BYE. -BECK… -WHAT? IS THIS CRAZY? NO. THAT'S THE WEIRDEST PART ABOUT IT. THANK YOU. -I LOVE YOU. -I LOVE YOU TOO. -GOOD NIGHT. -GOOD NIGHT. (SIGHS) OH, IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. WHERE'S GREG? (HORN BLOWING) HELLO. HELLO. (HORN BLARING) (TIRES SQUEALING) BECKY: SO THEN WHAT HAPPENED? ANNIE: SO THEN I LEFT, OBVIOUSLY. YOU WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET? YOU KNOW THAT DREAM WHEN YOU'RE WALKING THE STREET NAKED? I LOVE THAT DREAM. THAT WAS NOTHING COMPARED TO THIS HUMILIATION, NOTHING.

BUT HE SAW YOU? ANNIE: HE SAW ME. YOU WERE FACE-TO-FACE. HE SAID HELLO. AND WHAT DID YOU SAY? ALL I COULD SAY WAS HELLO. OH, MY GOD. AND ALL I COULD SAY WAS… HELLO. IT'S A SIGN. IT'S A SIGN THAT I HAVE WATCHED THIS MOVIE TOO MANY TIMES. OH, ANNIE. SO STUPID. FROM THE MINUTE I LISTENED TO THAT STUPID PROGRAM I'VE BEEN A COMPLETE JERK. YOU ARE NOT A JERK. THANK YOU. IDIOT. YOU DON'T KNOW WHO SHE WAS, ANNIE. I SAW HER. I HAVE A PICTURE OF HER. THAT DETECTIVE IN SEATTLE SENT ME A PICTURE OF HER. HERE. SEE, HUH? THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE. THIS IS A PICTURE OF SOMEONE'S BACK. WELL, IT'S HER, AND HE WAS CRAZY ABOUT HER. WHAT'S THIS? THIS IS FROM SEATTLE. BECKY… SO, I MAILED YOUR LETTER. "DEAR ANNIE "THANKS FOR YOUR LETTER. "IT WAS GREAT. "YOU SOUND NEAT.

"WE'RE VERY EXCITED "ABOUT MEETING YOU IN NEW YORK ON VALENTINE'S DAY "AND SEEING IF WE ARE… M.F.E.O. "SEE YA SOON. "SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE." M.F.E.O.? MADE FOR EACH OTHER. IT'S CUTE. IT'S LIKE A LITTLE CLUE. AH! SO, HE CAN'T WRITE. BIG DEAL. VERBAL ABILITY IS HIGHLY OVERRATED IN A GUY AND OUR PATHETIC NEED FOR IT IS WHAT GETS US INTO TROUBLE. I AM GOING TO RUN BACK TO WALTER'S ARMS IF HE'LL HAVE ME. WHAT ABOUT THE LETTER? IT WAS WRITTEN BEFORE I WENT OUT THERE BEFORE THE HO. THE ONLY THING IS, SHE DIDN'T LOOK LIKE A HO. SHE LOOKED LIKE SOMEBODY WE WOULD HAVE BEEN FRIENDS WITH. (GROANS) YOU SAW HER IN THE AIRPORT AND THEN HERE? SAM: I TRIED TO TALK TO HER. IT WAS LIKE I KNEW HER. LIKE A DEJA VU THING? A VERY FRENCH DEJA VU-ISH KIND OF THING. -OUI.

-OUI. AT LEAST YOU'RE OUT THERE SEEING PEOPLE. THERE'S REALLY JUST THE ONE. VICTORIA. YOU DON'T LIKE VICTORIA? SHE LAUGHS LIKE A HYENA. -IS THIS TRUE? -NO. SORT OF. HEY, TELL THEM WHAT YOU DID. DAD… -ABOUT THE RADIO SHOW. -DAD. TELL THEM. CHRISTMAS EVE, HE PHONES IN ONE OF THOSE RADIO CALL-IN SHOWS AND TELLS THEM I NEED A NEW WIFE. OH, YOU'RE KIDDING. THAT'S SO SWEET. NOW HE'S OBSESSED WITH THIS WOMAN WHO WROTE ME. ARE YOU SERIOUS? SHE WANTS TO MEET AT THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING. ON VALENTINE'S DAY. IT'S LIKE THAT MOVIE. WHAT MOVIE? AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER. DID YOU EVER SEE IT? OH, GOD. CARY GRANT AND DEBORAH KARR. IS IT KARR OR KERR? KARR. KERR. OKAY, SHE'S GOING TO MEET HIM AT THE TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING. ONLY SHE GOT HIT BY A TAXI AND HE WAITED AND WAITED AND IT WAS RAINING I THINK AND THEN SHE'S TOO PROUD TO TELL HIM THAT SHE'S, UH..

. CRIPPLED AND HE'S TOO PROUD TO FIND OUT WHY SHE DOESN'T COME BUT HE COMES TO SEE HER ANYWAY. I FORGET WHY, BUT, OH… OH, IT'S SO AMAZING WHEN HE COMES TO SEE HER BECAUSE HE DOESN'T EVEN NOTICE SHE DOESN'T GET UP TO SAY HELLO AND HE'S VERY BITTER AND YOU THINK THAT HE'S JUST GOING TO WALK OUT THE DOOR AND NEVER KNOW WHY. SHE'S JUST LYING THERE, YOU KNOW, LIKE ON THE COUCH WITH THIS BLANKET OVER HER SHRIVELED LITTLE LEGS AND… ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? SHE'S FINE. SUZY: AND HE GOES… (GASPING) "I SAW THE PAINTING" AND HE, LIKE, GOES TO THE BEDROOM AND HE LOOKS, AND HE COMES OUT, AND HE LOOKS AT HER AND HE KIND OF JUST, THEY KNOW, AND THEN THEY HUG AND IT'S SO..

. THAT'S A CHICK'S MOVIE. WHAT KIND OF A PERSON WOULD WRITE TO SOMEONE THEY HEARD ON THE RADIO? I GOT HUNDREDS OF LETTERS FROM ALL OVER. DESPERATE WOMEN. BECAUSE SOMEONE IS LOOKING FOR A GUY THEY'RE NOT DESPERATE. HOW ABOUT RAPACIOUS AND LOVE-STARVED? IT IS EASIER TO BE KILLED BY A TERRORIST THAN FIND A HUSBAND AFTER 40. ABSOLUTELY UNTRUE! RIGHT. I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A MAIL-ORDER BRIDE. I JUST WANT SOMEBODY THAT I CAN HAVE A DECENT CONVERSATION WITHOUT IT FALLING DOWN INTO WEEPY TEARS OVER SOME MOVIE YOU JUST SAW. SHE'S VERY EMOTIONAL. I CRIED AT THE END OF THE DIRTY DOZEN. JIM BROWN WAS THROWING THESE HAND GRENADES AND RICHARD JAECKEL AND LEE MARVIN WERE SITTING ON THIS ARMORED PERSONNEL CARRIER DRESSED LIKE NAZIS… (GREG SOBBING) TRINI LOPEZ.

.. HE BUSTED HIS NECK WHEN THEY WERE PARACHUTING BEHIND NAZI LINES. STOP IT. RICHARD JAECKEL HAD ON THIS SHINY HELMET 'CAUSE HE WAS THE M.P. OH… OH, GOD, I LOVE THAT MOVIE. THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT IT? YOU HAVE TO FIND HER. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT COSTS TO GO TO NEW YORK? NOBODY KNOWS. IT CHANGES PRACTICALLY EVERY DAY. HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU HAVE? EIGHTY DOLLARS. I HAVE 42. THAT WOULD PROBABLY COVER TAXICABS. BUT HOW WOULD I GET THERE? WOMAN: HONEY… I HAVE TO RUN THESE TICKETS OVER. KEEP AN EYE ON THINGS. SURE, MOM. WINDOW SEAT OR AN AISLE? WINDOW. WANT A FRUIT PLATE? DO I? I'D RATHER DIE THAN EAT AIRPLANE FOOD.

I'M TELLING THEM YOU'RE 12 SO YOU CAN FLY UNACCOMPANIED. ARE YOU CRAZY? WHO WOULD BELIEVE I'M 12? IF IT'S IN THE COMPUTER, THEY BELIEVE ANYTHING. ARE YOU SURE? DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY THAT YOU'RE SHORT FOR YOUR AGE AND THEY SHOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING? YEAH. THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. ♪ SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO BE A WOMAN ♪ GIVIN' ALL YOUR LOVE TO JUST ONE MAN ♪ WALTER! YOU'RE GOING TO MISS THE TRAIN. NO, I'M NOT. I'M SO HAPPY, BECKY. FINALLY I FEEL HAPPY. THIS IS RIGHT. THIS IS REAL. EVERYTHING ELSE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WATCH TOO MANY MOVIES. AND YOU COMPLETELY LOSE SIGHT OF WHAT COUNTS. PLEASE, DON'T TELL ANYBODY WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE I WOULD BE MORTIFIED IF ANYONE KNEW. DO YOU PROMISE? I PROMISE. "SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE" IS HISTORY.

♪ EVEN THOUGH HE'S HARD TO UNDERSTAND ♪ AND IF YOU LOVE HIM ♪ OH, BE PROUD OF HIM ♪ 'CAUSE, AFTER ALL, HE'S JUST A MAN ♪ STAND BY YOUR MAN ♪ -I WAS JUST… -I WAS JUST… GO AHEAD. YOU GO. OKAY. WELL, I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY THAT EVER SINCE CHRISTMAS YOU'VE BEEN DIFFERENT, KIND OF DISTRACTED, DISTANT BUT NOW IT FEELS AS IF YOU'RE COMING BACK FROM WHEREVER YOU WERE. I AM. I WAS JUST, UH… I JUST… I JUST GOT… I THINK I GOT NERVOUS. BUT THAT'S NORMAL, RIGHT? I MEAN, DON'T YOU EVER FEEL NERVOUS ABOUT… YOU KNOW? WHAT? FOREVER. NO. WELL… I DID, AND YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK I THOUGHT IT WAS TOO PERFECT, YOU KNOW? I STARTED TO WONDER IF WE WERE THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF TWO RIGHTS MAKING A WRONG. YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS? IT WAS LIKE KISMET, BUT NOT, IF YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN.

YOU HAVE TO GROW UP. YOU CAN'T KEEP HAVING THESE ADOLESCENT FANTASIES ABOUT HOW EXCITING YOUR LIFE IS GOING TO BE. DON'T HATE ME, BUT I LOVE THIS PATTERN. -YOU COULDN'T. -I DO. THIS IS JUST LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER'S CHINA. HOW MANY PLACE SETTINGS? TEN. TEN. EXACTLY. EIGHT IS TOO FEW. TWELVE IS… TOO MANY. TOO MANY. WALTER! IT WAS MY MOTHER'S. I HAD THEM SIZE IT DOWN. SHE HAD REALLY FAT FINGERS. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD PICK OUT IF I HAD EVERY RING IN THE WHOLE WORLD TO CHOOSE FROM. YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WOULD LIKE A RELATIONSHIP TO BE FULL OF SURPRISES BUT I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. NO, SIRREE. SURPRISES ARE HIGHLY OVERRATED. (PHONE RINGING) I'LL ONLY BE GONE ONE NIGHT AND CLARISE WILL BE HERE, SO YOU CAN SEE GERALDO AND NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 12. ARE YOU GOING WITH HER? I'M GOING WITH VICTORIA, YES. AND DON'T TRY ANYTHING TRICKY, UNDERSTAND? (DOOR SLAMS) DON'T GO ROLLING IN POISON IVY AS SOON AS I LEAVE THE HOUSE OR DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU NEED STITCHES. IF YOUR FINGER FALLS OFF IT'S STAYING OFF.

NO ONE WILL TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL FOR LASER SURGERY. IS THIS ABOUT THAT WOMAN IN BALTIMORE? ANNIE. -I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO! -GOOD! FINE! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M DOING THIS WEEKEND. I'M GETTING LAID. 1990S AND NOBODY'S GETTING LAID. I'M THE ONLY MAN IN AMERICA GETTING LAID THIS WEEKEND. I HAVEN'T BEEN LAID THAT MUCH. SIX GIRLS IN COLLEGE, MAYBE SEVEN. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN STANDING THERE? FOREVER. WHAT DID I SAY? SIX GIRLS IN COLLEGE, MAYBE SEVEN. SEVEN. EIGHT! MARY KELLY! I LIKE THIS ONE. JONAH, THE FACT IS YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE ANY WOMAN BECAUSE IT ISN'T YOUR MOTHER. HOW DO YOU KNOW? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ANNIE? OH, JONAH, SHUT UP! SHUT UP? SHUT UP? MOM NEVER SAID SHUT UP TO ME! MOM NEVER YELLED AT ME! THE CONVERSATION IS FINISHED. WHY CAN'T WE GO TO NEW YORK? WE ARE NOT GOING ON A PLANE TO MEET SOME WOMAN WHO COULD BE A CRAZY LUNATIC. DIDN'T YOU SEE FATAL ATTRACTION? YOU WOULDN'T LET ME! WELL, I SAW IT! I'M NOT LEAVING TILL YOU SAY YES.

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! THAT'S GOOD! YOU CAN TELL OPRAH HOW YOUR DAD DESTROYED YOUR LIFE BECAUSE HE HAD A WEEKEND SPECIAL AT THE HOLIDAY INN. JONAH, CLARISE IS HERE AND I GOT TO GO. HEY, JONAH. JONAH? ALL RIGHT, JONAH. LISTEN, I GOT TO GO, AND I'M… JONAH? JONAH? HEY, JONAH? JONAH? JONAH? JONAH? JESSICA, HONEY, YOU HAVE TO TELL US WHERE HE IS. JONAH'S DADDY IS VERY UPSET. JESSICA, THIS IS YOUR FATHER. TELL US WHERE HE IS RIGHT THIS MINUTE. N.Y. -WHAT IS THAT? -NO WAY. THAT'S N.W. NEW YORK. HE'S ON HIS WAY TO NEW YORK. -WHAT? -HOW? UNITED 597. JESSICA'S MOTHER: JESSICA… -WHEN DOES IT LEAVE? -7:30. (CLOCK CHIMING) HERE YOU GO. HERE'S A NICE PEN FOR YOU FOR FLYING WITH US. -THANK YOU. -YOU'RE WELCOME.

CAN I TAKE THIS FOR YOU? NO. -WHERE TO, KID? -EMPIRE STATE BUILDING. HOLD ON. EMPIRE STATE BUILDING. GET FURTHER AWAY FROM THE CURB NEXT TIME, MAC. DRIVER: THERE IT IS. WHAT YOU GOING TO DO UP THERE? SPIT OFF THE TOP? NO. I'M GOING TO MEET MY NEW MOTHER. EXCUSE ME. I'M JONAH. ARE YOU ANNIE? NO, I'M CYNTHIA. EXCUSE ME. ARE YOU ANNIE? MMM… GREAT TABLE. THANKS. SOMETHING WRONG? CAN I GET YOU A DRINK? SOME CHAMPAGNE? FINE. FINE. CAN WE HAVE A BOTTLE OF DOM DELUISE? -JUST KIDDING. -IT WAS A JOKE. HE MEANT DOM PERIGNON. I GOT IT. WHOO. BEAUTIFUL VIEW, ISN'T IT? WALTER… THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL YOU. HEY, I'M SORRY. I HAVE AN EMERGENCY! MONEY! MONEY, ALL RIGHT? MONEY, MONEY, SEE? THANK YOU! (YELLING) COME ON. SO, HE COULD BE ON TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING NOW.

NO. I GUESS HE COULD BE, BUT NO. IT'S NOT HIM, WALTER. IT'S ME. I CAN'T DO THIS. LOOK, ANNIE… I LOVE YOU BUT LET'S LEAVE THAT OUT OF THIS. I DON'T WANT TO BE SOMEONE THAT YOU'RE SETTLING FOR. I DON'T WANT TO BE SOMEONE THAT ANYONE SETTLES FOR. MARRIAGE IS HARD ENOUGH WITHOUT BRINGING SUCH LOW EXPECTATIONS INTO IT. ISN'T IT? WALTER, I DON'T DESERVE YOU. NAW, I WOULDN'T PUT IT THAT WAY. BUT… OKAY. YOU OKAY? YEAH. (SIGHING) (GASPS) WHAT? LOOK. IT'S A SIGN. WHO NEEDED A SIGN? WALTER… I HAVE TO GO. JONAH! JONAH? -DAD! DAD! -JONAH? OH… WHAT IF SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED TO YOU? WHAT IF I COULDN'T GET TO YOU? I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. OH, WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE? HUH? YOU ARE MY FAMILY. YOU'RE ALL I'VE GOT. I THOUGHT SHE'D BE HERE. I THOUGHT SHE'D COME. AREN'T WE OKAY? HAVE I DONE ANYTHING REALLY STUPID? NO. HAVE I SCREWED IT UP FOR THE BOTH OF US? NO. OBSERVATION DECK? SORRY, MA'AM, BUT IT'S TOO LATE.

NO. PLEASE, I REALLY NEED TO GET UP THERE. WE'RE CLOSING UP. NO MORE RUNS TONIGHT. LISTEN, CAN I JUST TAKE A LOOK? THERE'S SOMEONE I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET. HE'S PROBABLY NOT THERE BUT IF I DON'T AT LEAST LOOK I'LL ALWAYS WONDER ABOUT IT. CARY GRANT, RIGHT? YOU KNOW THAT MOVIE? ONE OF MY WIFE'S FAVORITES. HEY, MAYBE WHEN WE GET HOME WE'LL GET A DOG. OKAY. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "OKAY"? WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO HAVE A DOG? SURE. I'M SORRY, MA'AM. EMPTY. CAN I TAKE A MINUTE? GO AHEAD. I LEFT IT BY THE TELESCOPES… IT'S YOU. IT'S ME. I SAW YOU… IN THE STREET. ARE YOU ANNIE? YES. YOU'RE ANNIE? THIS MUST BE YOURS. I'M JONAH. THIS IS MY DAD.

HIS NAME'S SAM. HI, JONAH. SAM. AND WHO'S THIS? HOWARD. OH, HOWARD. HELLO, HOWARD. (GUARD CLEARING THROAT) WE'D BETTER GO. SHALL WE? ♪ IT'S SO IMPORTANT TO MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY ♪ MAKE JUST ONE SOMEONE HAPPY ♪ MAKE JUST ONE HEART THE HEART YOU ♪ YOU SING TO ♪ SAM. IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. ♪ SMILE THAT CHEERS YOU ♪ ONE FACE THAT LIGHTS WHEN IT NEARS YOU ♪ ONE GIRL YOU'RE, YOU'RE EVERYTHING TO ♪ FAME, IF YOU WIN IT ♪ COMES AND GOES ♪ COMES AND GOES IN A MINUTE ♪ WHERE'S THE REAL STUFF IN LIFE TO CLING TO? ♪ THERE'S ONLY ♪ LOVE IS THE ANSWER ♪ SOMEONE TO LOVE IS THE ANSWER ♪ ONCE YOU'VE FOUND HER ♪ BUILD YOUR WORLD AROUND HER ♪ MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY ♪ MAKE JUST ONE SOMEONE HAPPY ♪ AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY TOO.

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